Immortal warriors, ancient (yet eternally youthful) mages, elves, yokai, and characters cursed to live forever… Readers have long been fascinated by centuries-old heroes, from the enduringly popular Greek gods or Doctor Who, to the more recent phenomena of Frieren: Beyond Journey’s End and the immortal cultivators of progression fantasy.
Let’s look at some of them here! I’ve included both old and new, and traditionally published and indie releases. In each case, the immortal (or hard to kill) character has POV or is the main focus of the story, rather than a side character, mentor, or antagonist. This trend appears popular across multiples subgenres, including epic and dark fantasy, sword and sorcery, science fantasy, urban fantasy, contemporary, and cozy fantasy.
When the world was young and Gods still walked among their mortal children, a headstrong orphan boy set out to explore the world.
Then came the dark day when the Dark God Torak split the world asunder, and the God Aldur and his disciples began their monumental labor to set Destiny aright. Foremost among their number was Belgarath, who would become known to all the world as the finely honed instrument of Prophecy.
Kane An immortal, cursed to wander the Earth until he is destroyed by the violence that he himself has created. A warrior and statesman: As comfortable in the shadowy halls of courtly intrigue as he is on the bloody battlefields where those intrigue’s inevitably play themselves out.
One of the most powerful bosses in the Jhereg—Dragaera’s premier criminal organization—hires Vlad, one of their guild members, to assassinate Mellar, who stole millions from the Jhereg leadership and fled.
Unfortunately, this thief turns out to be protected in a way that makes it difficult for Vlad to do his job without gaining the permanent enmity of a friend.
The Book of Jhereg follows the antics of the wise-cracking Vlad Taltos and his dragon-like companion through their first three adventures—Jhereg, Yendi, and Teckla.
When they flew Casey into the hospital at Nha Trang, the medics were sure he’d die. That he didn’t was only the first surprise.
The second, bigger one, was that Casey had been fighting for two thousand years, ever since that day on Golgotha when he put his lance into the side of the Man on the Cross.
“Soldier, you are content with what you are. Then that you shall remain until we meet again.”
So does Casca’s journey begin, a man who cannot die, does not age, and knows no skill but those of battle.
France, 1714: in a moment of desperation, a young woman makes a Faustian bargain to live forever—and is cursed to be forgotten by everyone she meets.
Thus begins the extraordinary life of Addie LaRue, and a dazzling adventure that will play out across centuries and continents, across history and art, as a young woman learns how far she will go to leave her mark on the world.
But everything changes when, after nearly 300 years, Addie stumbles across a young man in a hidden bookstore and he remembers her name.
Atticus O’Sullivan is the last of the ancient druids, on the run for more than two thousand years. The Irish gods who want to kill him are after an enchanted sword he stole in a first-century battle, and when they find him managing an occult bookshop in Tempe, Arizona, Atticus doesn’t want to uproot his life again.
The Morrigan is on his side, and so is Brighid, First Among the Fae, a bloodsucking lawyer, and loyal wolfhound.
But he’s facing down Aenghus Óg, a vengeful Irish god with the firepower of hell, plus a coven of witches and even the local police. Atticus will need all the luck of the Irish to stay alive.
A broken man, Khraen awakens alone and lost. His stone heart has been shattered, littered across the world. With each piece, he regains some small shard of the man he once was. He follows the trail, fragment by fragment, remembering his terrible past.
There was a woman. There was a sword. There was an end to sorrow.
Radiance, the mysterious power of life and creation, is at the command of six immortals. Yet when the world is nearly broken beneath them, they swear a vow: They will sit upon no thrones.
But after centuries of peace, Eder rejects their vow and spreads a new, cruel faith across the land. Faron and Sariel swear to crush Eder’s kingdom, but they will need an army and a ruler who can take the throne their own vow forbids: the fanatical Bastard Princess.
But Eder’s conquest is not what it seems, and it will take more than a holy war to stop an immortal who has heard the desperate plea of a god.
A routine hanging goes wrong, and the murderer announces he is an immortal: Cayal, the Immortal Prince, a fictional hero of legend, and the creator of the half-human, half-animal Crasii, a race of slaves.
Arkady Desean is an expert on the legends of the Tide Lords so at the request of the King’s Spymaster, she is sent to interrogate this would-be immortal, hoping to prove he is a spy, or at the very least, a madman.
But as Arkady finds herself believing him, her own web of lies begins to unravel…
Non-human Immortal Characters
Demigods, spirits, yokai, gods and goddesses, fae, elves, and other legendary or mythological creatures! Many immortal main characters are inhuman and all the more compelling for it.
Amber is the one real world, casting infinite reflections of itself – Shadow worlds, that can be manipulated by those of royal Amberite blood. But the royal family is torn apart by jealousies and suspicion; the disappearance of the Patriach Oberon has intensified the internal conflict by leaving the throne apparently up for grabs.
In a hospital on the Shadow Earth, a young man is recovering from a freak car accident; amnesia has robbed him of all his memory, even the fact that he is Corwin, Crown Prince of Amber, rightful heir to the throne – and he is in deadly peril . . .
For centuries, the kingdom of Iraden has been protected by the god known as the Raven. He watches over his territory from atop a tower in the powerful port of Vastai. His will is enacted through the Raven’s Lease, a human ruler chosen by the god himself. His magic is sustained by the blood sacrifice that every Lease must offer. And under the Raven’s watch, the city flourishes.
But the Raven’s tower holds a secret. Its foundations conceal a dark history that has been waiting to reveal itself. . . and to set in motion a chain of events that could destroy Iraden forever.
Thrice-cursed bard and warrior-elf Tamsin wakes up in Elfland after what might or might not have been his death, healed and hale for the first time in millennia. Somewhat confused but not entirely unhappy with this turn of events, he sets off in the hopes of finding a way home…
A standalone tale of friendship, family, and fair Elfland.
Chava is a golem, a creature made of clay by a disgraced rabbi knowledgeable in the ways of dark Kabbalistic magic.
Ahmad is a jinni, a being of fire born in the ancient Syrian desert and trapped centuries ago in an old copper flask by a Bedouin wizard.
Chava and Ahmad meet accidentally in New York and become friends and unlikely soul mates. But when the golem’s violent nature overtakes her one evening, their bond is challenged. An even more powerful threat will emerge, however, challenging their very existence and forcing them to make a fateful choice.
In the woods where human lands meet fae, an ancient king born before the history of men finds a dying baby. Iohmar will take in the child and care for him until a suitable home in the human realm is found. But best laid plans often go awry in the lands of Látwill.
Magic long tethered to Iohmar’s soul will crumble. Unknown shadows and monsters of mirrored glass will encroach upon the borders of their land. And memories thousands of years lost will unravel as Iohmar struggles not only to properly rule his fair folk, but protect the fragile human son he never should have saved.
Eleven thousand years ago a god was born. Cursed into the body of a human, Acheron spent a lifetime of shame. However, his human death unleashed an unspeakable horror that almost destroyed the earth. Then, brought back against his will, Acheron became the sole defender of mankind.
For centuries, he has fought for our survival, until a lone woman who refuses to be intimidated by him threatens his very existence.
Now his survival, and ours, hinges on hers and old enemies reawaken and unite to kill them both. War has never been more deadly… or more fun.
Hi, I’m Caylah Coffeen, a freelance editor and marketer of sci-fi and fantasy books. I love reading and writing and am a follower of Jesus Christ.
I’ve worked for Monster Ivy Publishing and Eschler Editing, and am currently a weekly editor with Havok Publishing. Reach out to chat about books and publishing!
Thanks for stopping by my website! I hope you’ve found some helpful resources about reading, writing, and publishing. If you liked this article, here’s some more free content…
As an avid fan of the fantasy genre, I consume fantasy stories any which way I can (novels, television, movies, and video games).
Recently, I had a chance to play the Oblivion remake released by Bethesda. After I finished the main storyline quests, I decided to pick up Skyrim (its sequel) while I was at it. I was surprised at the stark contrast between the two worlds. Where the world of Oblivion is beautiful to behold and full of humorous, even slightly silly characters, Skyrim is harsh and jagged, and full of meaner characters.
That was when it dawned on me what the difference was between the two stories. In Oblivion, the world was worth fighting for. In Skyrim, the world was worth fighting.
I have since noticed that these are the two basic types of fantasy settings: the world worth fighting for and the world worth fighting. When we have a world worth fighting for, it is clear that the world the story takes place in is a good one, and the main character wants to keep it. When we have a world worth fighting, the focus is far more on the main character (or characters), and the way they rise to the challenges that the world throws at them.
We can see this in a few other examples.
Middle Earth is a world worth fighting for, demonstrated most by the Shire and Rivendell. Samwise Gamgee even makes a speech reinforcing this point.
SAM: But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something. Even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn’t. Because they were holding on to something.
FRODO: What are we holding on to, Sam?
SAM: That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it’s worth fighting for.
Westeros is a world worth fighting. It’s awful, dark, and full of murder and betrayal.
Prydain from the Chronicles of Prydain series is a world worth fighting for. There is beauty in it, and wonderful people. Even some of the more self-serving people are still inclined toward good, and then there are the forces of darkness looking to conquer it.
Warhammer 40K has no bright spot in it, no place where the soul-crushing inevitability of demise hasn’t tainted everything. It is a mad universe where the only constant is war. It is a world worth fighting.
Not Just Grimdark vs. Noblebright
Now, I know that some people will simplify this to being the difference between the Grimdark (what is grimdark?) and Noblebright (what is noblebright?) genres. That is fair, because every Grimdark story’s setting can be summed up as “a world worth fighting.”
However, not every Noblebright story takes place in a world worth fighting for.
Take, for example, Star Wars. I would call Star Wars Noblebright because it features good triumphing over evil, and it is generally pretty clear who the heroes and villains are. Yes, recent stories in the Star Wars universe have brought in more moral ambiguity, but while the heroes may do morally questionably things on occasion, the sheer wickedness of the villains makes it clear that they are the evil ones.
But in the original trilogy, the Empire has control over everything. Making it worse, wherever the Empire doesn’t have control we get hives of scum and villainy, hostile nomadic tribes, monsters, and far-reaching criminal gangs like the Hutts.
Thus, I would argue that the Star Wars setting (true to its name) is a world worth fighting rather than a world worth fighting for. Luke Skywalker doesn’t fight for Tattooine, Yavin 4, or Hoth; he fights for those individuals he loves.
The King Arthur myth gives us a world worth fighting for: Camelot.
Sometimes what determines a world as worth fighting for is something small in it, a specific place. As I mentioned before, Middle Earth has the Shire. Harry Potter’s world has Hogwarts, which, for all its faults, becomes his bastion against the evils of the rest of the world (both the Muggle world and the Wizarding world). In the film Willow, it’s the Nelwyn village, to which Willow wants to return so that he can see his family again.
I would also argue that it could be possible to write a Grimdark story, but make it a world worth fighting for if the hero has some place in it where he can be at peace with his loved ones.
Depending on how you play it, Fallout 4 could be an example of this. The world surrounding the main character is full of mutants, radiation, violent robots, and murderous people. However, in that game you have the option to build places of sanctuary (literally starting with a neighborhood called “Sanctuary Hills”). The sanctuary you build can bring hope to an otherwise desolate wasteland, turning the post-apocalyptic setting into a world worth fighting for.
Where does your story fit?
This forced me to take a look at my own epic fantasy series: The Third Genesis. I had to ask myself if the world of Ymir where the story takes place is a world worth fighting or a world worth fighting for.
It is a world where false gods with space age technology have genetically-engineered an ecosystem made up of mythical creatures in order to exploit the planet Ymir’s unique resources. These false gods pit the people and creatures they’ve created against each other, and there are inquisitions, crusades, and holy wars. At first, I thought this made it a world worth fighting. But then I remembered that the people of Ymir live with the promise of the Third Genesis: a day when the false gods shall be defeated and the True Deity, The One, will reign. Thus, I realized that the world of Ymir is a world worth fighting for.
This also got me to examine the Bible to assess the world we live in according to the Good Book. Does the Bible speak of this world as one worth fighting or worth fighting for? While there are many places in Scripture that speak to the corruption of this world, and even places where it is implied that the Devil has dominion over the physical realm, we cannot forget the LORD’s promises of a day when He will wash away that corruption. And we cannot forget John 3:16, the most famous Bible verse of all, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”
The Supreme Being has declared this world worth fighting for. So, let us do so every day, and ensure that we always follow the orders of our King when we do.
Nicholas is a prolific author who has written mostly westerns, but his true passion is for fantasy novels. Starting from the age of six (with stories about a mouse wizard named “Mousey”), he has honed his craft through years of dedicated writing.
His studies in history, religion, mythology, folklore, and classical literature have informed his works. Each of Casale’s works hit emotional notes and raise fascinating questions about the nature of life, love, morality, and existence.
Hi, I’m Caylah Coffeen, a freelance editor and marketer of sci-fi and fantasy books. I love reading and writing and am a follower of Jesus Christ.
I’ve worked for Monster Ivy Publishing and Eschler Editing, and am currently a weekly editor with Havok Publishing. Reach out to chat about books and publishing!
Thanks for stopping by my website! I hope you’ve found some helpful resources about reading, writing, and publishing. If you liked this article, here’s some more free content…
Books with multiple (3+) points of view (POV) have become increasingly popular in the past couple decades, especially in massive fantasy epics and sci-fi. But there are multiple problems with this style that I commonly encounter as a book editor.
The technique is not wrong in and of itself. Every method of storytelling comes with its own pitfalls. The practice of writing novels with multiple points of view in third person is still relatively new, so authors have had fewer exceptional, “classic” examples upon which to base their style.
Now that editors have a larger body of work to analyze, it’s our job to guide authors to improve the way they tell their stories. So I’ll explain these top 11 problems that I see in manuscripts (and published books) with multiple points of view, and offer suggestions for how to avoid them:
I’ll be expanding each point into a full article with more detailed advice on how to avoid each pitfall in your own writing. Part 1: Harder to Hook is already complete – stay tuned for the full series!
1. Difficulty Hooking Readers
With every major point of view character, authors must check off all the same boxes: establish the status quo, show the individual’s wants and needs, give readers a reason to root for them, and spark off their story with an inciting incident.
With only one POV, authors can achieve many of these benchmarks within the first few chapters. This period of time is vital to securing reader interest. If you can’t catch them within this time, most readers will stop reading.
But with each new POV, authors wipe the reader’s emotional slate clean and start all over again. Readers may be interested at the end of the first chapter, but suddenly they’re faced with another stranger that vies for their investment all over again. Then a third. God forbid 4 or more.
It could take an hour of reading to get back to the first character, at which point all the emotional tension has faded and readers have to restart in their efforts to connect with the character.
If a reader only has the mental energy to read 3 chapters, a book with 1 POV has an advantage. 3 chapters is enough time for a reader to build a solid emotional connection to one character. On the other hand, if each of the first 3 chapters is written from a different perspective, after the same amount of reading time, that reader will only have just met each character, not had enough time to get to know them much at all.
How to avoid this problem: As an editor, I find that it’s more effective to group multiple chapters from 1 POV together rather than switching every chapter. It lets readers more deeply immerse themselves in one character before moving on.
Read more about how multiple POVs affect the opening hook of a novel in my full article.
2. Skewed Story Pacing
This is THE biggest problem I encounter in books with multiple point-of-view characters – messed up pacing at the book-wide level.
Say you have 3 POV characters – you’re basically writing 3 books at once and combining them into the same package. This means you’re asking your readers to endure a first act that’s three times as long as usual.
Often, the first act is the least interesting part of a story. In sci-fi and fantasy in particular, there’s often a lot of travel and exposition about the world, races and species, magic system, etc.
Readers are waiting for the moment when something changes. But with three characters, they have to wade through 3 times as much “intro content” before they get to the “interesting stuff.”
A first act usually takes up about the first third of a book. So reading the first act of a book with 3 POVs can feel the same as reading the length of an entire book that only contains first act content.
This is especially problematic if all of the characters have extremely similar situations. For instance, one farm boy trekking across the country to live out his destiny can be repetitive enough, let alone if all your mc’s start out as average joes who undertake a long journey.
How to avoid this problem: Choose POV characters whose arcs complement and contrast one another, rather than being too repetitive or seemingly unrelated (e.x. on opposite sides of the world and won’t meet for several books). Don’t be afraid to introduce some POVs much later in the book or series.
3. Skewed Chapter Pacing
Pacing is most obviously affected at the larger story level, but also at the chapter level. Often, writers are advised to “start late and end early,” but I find that books with many POVs both start and end their chapters too early.
Every time an author switches POV there is a “reset” of sorts. They need to reestablish where the character is, what they’ve been doing since the last time the reader followed them, and how much time has passed.
As a result, the start of each chapter can feel slow and exposition heavy. It’s difficult to use en media res if it’s been 100 pages since your reader last saw this character. It can take a while to build back up to a higher level of energy or greater level of intellectual and emotional intimacy.
But then, because the pacing of these books can feel bloated, authors try to end their chapters on a “snappy” note to avoid boring their readers. So they choose to end a scene too early, sometimes in the middle of the conflict they spent an entire chapter building towards.
This can leave readers feeling like “things were just getting good again” when the POV changed, resetting everything all over again!
How to avoid this problem: If you’re worried that readers won’t push through the next 100 pages unless you end a beat too early every time, you need to face the larger problem – whether that content should actually be trimmed. Authors have learned effective tactics to keep people binge-reading. But that won’t keep readers from noticing – after they’ve put down the book – that they didn’t actually enjoy “getting through” a lot of the in-between content, even though they felt compelled to continue in the moment.
4. Ruined cliffhangers
But multi-POVs even ruin the effectiveness of these cliffhangers!
The more POVs you have, the longer it’ll take to cycle through them all, and the more the emotion and energy will have diminished by the time you get back to your original character.
If you end a chapter on a cliffhanger, and then switch to a second POV, then a third, then a fourth, by the time you return to the original characters, days or weeks could have passed!
Consider: Character A’s companion betrays them. Enemies surround them. CUT. …3 chapters later, we return to character A, sitting in a dungeon. We didn’t get to see their decision to surrender, the gloating of their enemies, their rage and hurt while the betrayal was most fresh, or the horror of their first few days of imprisonment.
In such situations, authors break an implicit promise to readers: “the wait will be worth it.” A cliffhanger draws readers along because they can’t wait to see what happens next. But when time skips are necessary to facilitate more POVs, readers often don’t get to see the content they most anticipated.
Readers can start to feel like authors are just stringing them along with sensational chapter endings – and if you lose reader trust, you’re one step away from losing them completely.
How to avoid this problem: Use cliffhangers sparingly and make sure the interim chapters don’t conflict with the energy you’ve built. If character A is facing a threat to their life, while characters B and C are sitting in meetings, readers will be tempted to just skip ahead to get back to character A (I’ve done this).
5. Diminished Mystery
Mystery is one of the most compelling storytelling techniques an author can use. Humans are curious! But when an author shows readers the perspectives of characters from many sides of a conflict, we don’t have to wonder at their motivations or plots anymore.
If we don’t know what’s happening on the other side of the world, in the mind of a love interest, or to a missing character, every attempt the POV character makes to uncover information is packed with greater stakes. Readers turn the pages eagerly, desperate to find out more. There are false trails, relationship blunders, and a growing pressure to discover the answer to our questions.
Imagine if Dumbledore also had POV in Harry Potter – a legitimate choice. After all, in Ender’s Game, Orson Scott Card shows Ender’s superiors planning how best to manipulate him – readers see what’s happening before Ender does. But if Rowling had made this choice, her books would have lost a huge element of mystery!
Not every book needs to focus on this element. But fantasy readers love unlocking the secrets of massive worlds through the eyes of their favorite characters!
How to avoid this problem: Don’t sacrifice character realism to avoid redundancy. Is it “in character” for person A to spend a lot of time investigating x? Don’t reveal that information through person B if you will have to cut it from person A’s POV, thereby harming their plot and character arc.
6. Harmed Character Dynamics
This same problem affects character development. People talk about their experiences with each other – it’s necessary for relationships to grow. But if readers have already seen something happen to character B, the author might not bother to show character A asking about it.
This often results in a lack of important scenes that we really should see. We want to see one of our leads shocked by the other’s traumatic past, or laughing uproariously at their embarrassing mistakes. But if the reader has already seen these moments, they’re usually summarized in passing, since a joke isn’t as funny a second time around.
This can be even more problematic if a party of friends separates and then reconnects later, but never talks about their respective experiences. It’s just skipped over as though it doesn’t matter, when going over that kind of emotion is very important to relationships.
Example 1:
For instance, in the epilogue of Brandon Sanderson’s Words of Radiance [character names redacted to avoid spoilers ahead], we discover that a character we thought died in book 1 is actually alive. It’s a tantalizing reveal for only the readers – none of the main cast knows yet. In book 3, this character makes it back to their family’s base. A servant runs ahead and announces the character’s return, everyone is shocked, then the scene cuts.
There is then a time skip! The actual reunion happens off-page!
Since the author already revealed the character’s survival to the readers, everyone else’s surprise has little emotional impact on the reader. What we have been waiting to see is everyone else’s messy emotions – joy, confusion, tears, asking about what happened.
We see none of that. Chapters later, Sanderson gives an exposition dump about how people responded and what they’re still feeling.
I find more and more that books with multiple POVs skip scenes like this. Too often, group scenes are used to move the plot ahead, and the author forgets to linger on the important emotional moments that lead to character development and deeper relationships.
Example 2:
That’s exactly what happened in the first Avengers movie. I’d been imagining for months what these characters might say to each other when they finally met – how they’d joke with each other, what questions they’d ask, if any would challenge each other to a friendly spar. Unfortunately, for the sake of time, the movie skipped right over such moments and went straight to a briefing room – the plot dump. It was as if the characters already knew each other or had nothing important to say to each other.
I wanted to see Tony and Captain America talk about his father, Thor look befuddled and amused that a human accidentally turned himself into a green monster, and their sidekicks eye each other with “thank god there’s another sane person in the room” looks. I remember being devastatingly disappointed when none of this came up. As if because viewers already know about Cap’s connection to Tony’s father, and because Tony must have read Steve’s file off-screen, that there would be no point in them discussing it. On the contrary, I think that would have been a far more emotionally rewarding moment than the terse conversations we did see between them.
How to avoid this problem: Is your story so long that you have to cut “heartfelt” scenes in favor of barreling the plot along? If the number of your POVs is forcing you to sacrifice character moments for time, you probably have too many. If your characters primarily come together for the sake of plot rather than dynamics that change their lives, then you may be forgetting what truly makes a story touch hearts.
7. Characters as Cameras
Using characters as cameras is a travesty. More and more, I see cutaway chapters that use the eyes of a random character as a way to dump plot info. We never see these characters again. They don’t matter. The author merely uses them as a lens through which to view an important event.
This tactic ignores one of the core tenants of storytelling! Events are important because of who they are about and who they affect, more so than because of what happens. You need to answer “why should we care?” I’d rather see the main character’s reaction to hearing that his King was assassinated than see the event through the eyes of one of the royal guards.
The adage “show don’t tell,” has been taught incompletely, leaving authors feeling like anything that happens must be shown on the page in the form of a scene. That’s not true. Exposition is a useful tool.
It’s easy to get caught in the allure of sensationalism. Authors might think readers will find it boring to hear about the event later, rather than seeing the death “on screen.” But the opposite can be true. Action for the sake of action isn’t necessarily compelling, but the emotional reaction of a character you care about is.
How to avoid this problem: Remember that just because you have imagined a scene, doesn’t mean that readers needs to see it that way. When you know the details, the readers will feel deep layers within the story. Don’t use characters as a vehicle for plot. Use plot as a vehicle to show who your characters are.
8. Likeability Wars
Readers will always have their favorites and least favorites. It’s frustrating to switch from an emotionally compelling character to a POV that feels comparatively flat or purposeless. The comparison can make readers begin to resent other parts of the book, as though they’re getting in the way of letting them enjoy the part of the story they’re actually invested in.
Personally, I often “check out” a little during POVs I don’t care for, essentially skimming through them to get back to “the good stuff.” I read just enough to get the gist of the plot so I can keep up with “the real story.”
Now, I’d never counsel an author not to include a character because some readers won’t like them – you should write the story you love and want to tell.
But the fact remains that readers will drop a book because of how annoying it is to wait a long time to cycle back to their favorite character. I sure have.
How to avoid this problem: Readers can tell the difference between characters you love, and ones you added because you felt like the plot or story needed them. I often see this with books that have a couple male mc’s and then throw in a female POV too. If you aren’t in love with your character, how can you expect readers to be?
9. Exhausting to Read
Reading books with multiple POVs, especially ones with 6 or more, can feel like a slog! It’s a lot of information to keep track of and can feel more like reading a travelogue or worldbuilding encyclopedia than a story.
In my experience, even people who love these kinds of books (Malazan, GOT, WOT) talk as though reading them is an exercise in perseverance. More readers seem to love these books despite their multiple POVs than because of them.
I’ve never heard a person say, “wow, it was groundbreaking for George R.R. Martin to write from 7 POVs. What a great way to tell the story – it just had to be done that way. It would have been way less enjoyable otherwise!” No. Fans commiserate with each other about how tough it was to get through them.
Some of Robert Jordan’s top fans (I regularly attend JordanCon) talk about how there are 3 WHOLE BOOKS in the middle of the series that you “just have to get through and then it gets good.” Do you want your readers to talk like that one day?
How to avoid this problem: Kurt Vonnegut famously said, “pity the reader.” Reading can already feel like hard work. We open up our minds and emotions to new experiences, often after a long day at work. So please, authors, will you pity us a little? Would you want to read a book that’s written like yours?
10. Lazy Writing
Sometimes a large number of POV characters feels like lazy writing on the part of authors.
They have such large worlds with so many characters, that’s it’s easiest to just plop them all in, like throwing every kid who wants to play into a soccer game, rather than picking the ones that make the best team and benching the rest. It’s true that sidelining characters you love doesn’t feel good, and it can be hard to determine which cast will result in the best version of your story.
But it is necessary – just because an idea or character “feels right,” doesn’t mean it should make the final cut.
Writing instructors have been known to say that nothing should be included in a story unless its exclusion would make the readers lose something. Does it have to be there? Would the story and character be lesser without it?
How to avoid this problem: Test various combinations of POVs. Offer different versions to beta readers. Cut, rewrite, repeat. A skilled carpenter will test out multiple types of wood, carving methods, and finishes before settling on a style for a major piece. Are you treating your writing this seriously?
11. More is Less
In books with many POVs, sometimes characters and plot arcs lose a little something with each added main character. Like trying to spread a small amount of butter over 10 pieces of bread rather than 2, the “energy” in a story can only disperse among so many characters.
This is especially true if you have written characters with similar archetypes or plots – their stories can start to feel repetitive. For instance, She Would be King follow 3 black young adults who escape slavery or abuse, see their mother die, and then go on a journey to Liberia. By the time I got to the third mother’s death, which occurred in almost identical circumstances as the second one’s, I was emotionally worn out. Each story on its own would have been powerful, but together, they impaired each other.
Books with multiple POVs are ambitious – the more characters you use, the harder it will be for you to connect them all together in a way that makes the total greater than the sum of its parts.
How to avoid this problem: Think of writing as like knitting a sweater. It’s easier to create a classy pattern with 2-3 colors, but when you try to combine 10 different colors, things can start to look like a kid’s crayon project. Be deliberate about your “pattern” from the start. Too often it’s obvious that the author got weary of trying to balance their POVs and left the story feeling like a tangled heap of yarn.
Tips for Writing Multi-POVs Well
Often, less is more. I encourage you to ask whether you have too many main characters and whether your story would be tighter and more compelling if you trimmed some of them. That is what some stories need.
Of course, not all books with multiple POVs have these issues.
And POV is also a matter of personal preference. Many readers and publishers seek out books with multiple point of view characters. If this is your chosen style, then your next step is to make your writing as strong as possible and avoid the most common pitfalls.
Here are some ways to test whether you have too many POV characters.
Questions to ask yourself:
Would character A’s journey be more interesting if the readers didn’t know what was happening with character B?
Are all of these characters emotionally compelling to me, or am I writing from their perspective because they are the logical choice for depicting plot in a certain part of the world/story?
Questions to ask your beta readers:
This is extremely important, but many authors are too hesitant to ask tough questions of their beta readers. Understandable – our books are our babies! But it’s better to know if one of your characters is boring or insufferable to readers before you publish, than to find out in your reviews.
Were you invested in all the POV characters?
Which ones were most and least compelling to you?
Are there any characters you thought were unnecessary or detracted from the story?
At any point, did it feel like a slog to get through the book?
Did these stories feel vitally intertwined or like separate books crammed into one?
Some beta reader feedback will be subjective, so it’s important to ask enough beta readers that you start to see commonalities in their responses. Then you will be able to approach rewrites with more confidence that your changes will improve your story for all readers, rather than for the preferences of a few.
Happy writing and stay tuned for the expanded version of each point – I know the tips I gave above are pretty vague, but I’ll expand them in future posts!
Hi, I’m Caylah Coffeen, a freelance editor and marketer of sci-fi and fantasy books. I love reading and writing and am a follower of Jesus Christ.
I’ve worked for Monster Ivy Publishing and Eschler Editing, and am currently a weekly editor with Havok Publishing. Reach out to chat about books and publishing!
Thanks for stopping by my website! I hope you’ve found some helpful resources about reading, writing, and publishing. If you liked this article, here’s some more free content…
I’ve never been a huge fan of quest stories – “a small party wanders across the kingdom in search of x goal.” I much prefer the rich political intrigue and complex relational dynamics that are possible when a story is set in a single location, in this case a city or city state!
Now most stories do contain some travel – often the hero must leave their small town or home country to reach the new city that becomes the center of the plot. Sometimes, like in Assassin’s Apprentice, a few missions occur outside the city, including the finale, but the bulk of the character’s life is focused in the capital (I read that book over a decade ago and still remember enjoying the scenes of Fitz exploring his city!). So just to be clear…
What you’ll find on this list:
Deeply developed cities that act as a character in and of themselves
Plot that is set mostly in a single city, with minimal travel outside it
Dark, political, epic-leaning adult fantasy
What you won’t find on this list:
Modern settings or technology (beyond steampunk/gaslamp level)
Cities in the real world or alternate historical settings (e.x. no parallel Londons)
Stories limited to a city sub-region (e.x. academies, subterranean labyrinths, palace harems)
I hope you find some great reads among this mix of classics and new releases, traditional and indie published books!
This article contains affiliate links. I may earn a small commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you.
Frequently Recommended
These are some of the best regarded fantasy works set in one city, and you’ll likely see them recommended often. Here we see sampling of subgenres: low, post-apocalyptic, high, and weird fantasy.
In the brutal island city of Camorr, orphaned thief Locke Lamora rises to master con artist of the Gentleman Bastards, only to be drawn into a deadly underworld power struggle where a rival’s bloody coup threatens his crew and the city’s criminal balance.
Young Severian, an apprentice in the Guild of Torturers on the world of Urth, is exiled for committing the ultimate sin of his profession – showing mercy toward his victim – and wanders among the ruins of his ancient city.
Raised as an outcast bastard, young Fitz, secretly trained as an assassin and gifted with the forbidden magic of the Skill, comes of age just as coastal raiders threaten the realm, forcing him into deadly missions that may determine the fate of the kingdom.
In the sprawl of New Crobuzon, a reckless bargain struck for gold unleashes mind-devouring creatures into the city, forcing a group of scientists, criminals, and outcasts to confront the disaster they helped create beneath the iron arches of Perdido Street Station.
By Brandon Sanderson
Brandon Sanderson often writes political fantasy that includes a heavy focus on one city’s culture and historical mysteries. This trope is often present even in works like Stormlight, where the characters do travel widely.
In a world where magical Breath can animate the living and the dead, two Idris princesses are caught between a forced divine marriage and a looming war, while a doubting god and a hidden swordsman seek to uncover conspiracy in Hallandren’s Court of Gods.
In a world of ash ruled by the immortal Lord Ruler, a vengeful criminal mastermind recruits a street urchin with rare Mistborn powers to carry out an audacious rebellion disguised as an impossible heist.
Prince Raoden falls prey to the cursed magic of his once-radiant city and is exiled behind the old walls just before his marriage to Princess Sarene, who arrives to find him “dead” and must struggle politically to protect her new home from an invading religion.
Azoth, a guild rat from the slums, apprentices himself to Durzo Blint—the city’s most feared assassin—in hopes of escaping a life defined by hunger, violence, and desperation.
Reborn under the name Kylar Stern, he must master the lethal politics and arcane techniques of the assassin trade while severing every remaining tie to the boy he once was.
The dark city of Ilmar chafes under the heavy hand of the Palleseen occupation, the choke-hold of its criminal underworld, and the burden of its ancient curse.
Despite the city’s refugees, wanderers, murderers, madmen, fanatics and thieves, the greatest threat, as always, will be the Anchorwood – that dark grove of trees, that primeval remnant, that portal, when the moon is full, to strange and distant shores.
The youngest, half-goblin son of the Emperor has lived his entire life in exile. But when his father and three half brothers in line for the throne are killed in an “accident,” he has no choice but to take his place as the only surviving rightful heir.
He is alone, surrounded by sycophants eager to curry favor, plots to depose him, and offers of arranged marriages. Yet still he hopes to find even a single friend . . . even as unseen enemies threaten his throne and his life.
Shen Tai, son of an illustrious imperial general, has spent two years burying the dead at the site of one of his father’s last great battles. In recognition of his labors and his filial piety, an unlikely source has sent him a dangerous gift: 250 Sardian horses.
Even four or five of the famed Sardian horses could earn a man the mortal jealousy of his peers. 250 is unthinkable, even for an emperor.
If Tai was not required to claim the horses in person, he would probably be dead already…
Brenden Vetch has a gift, an innate ability to nurture and understand plants. One day he receives a personal invitation from the wizard Od. She needs a gardener for her school in the great city of Kelior.
For decades, the rulers of Numis have controlled the school, punishing any wizard who dares defy them. But unknown to the reigning monarchy is the power possessed by the school’s new gardener—the true reason Od recruited him…
In the ancient city-state of Gujaareh, Gatherers – priests of the dream-goddess – harvest the magic of the sleeping mind and use it to heal, soothe. . . and kill those judged corrupt.
But when someone, or something, begins murdering dreamers in the goddess’ name, Ehiru, the most famous of the city’s Gatherers, must protect the woman he was sent to kill – or watch the city be devoured by war and forbidden magic.
In the vibrant city-state of Castellane, the orphan Kel becomes the Sword Catcher—the body double of Prince Conor. He and the Prince are as close as brothers, but his destiny is to die.
Lin Caster is a physician from a small community whose members still possess denigrated magical abilities, and she seeks forbidden knowledge to save a friend.
After a failed assassination attempt brings Lin and Kel together, they are drawn into the web of the criminal Ragpicker King, discovering secrets that may plunge their nation into war.
Dynamite couldn’t cause such a big explosion. As Agent Beka Finley and her partner Lord Donovan investigate a devastating train crash, she becomes convinced it was sabotaged. But everyone seems bent on persuading her it was an accident. Just like the crash that killed her father six years ago.
Determined to protect more lives from the growing unrest between humans and fairies, Beka puts her own life and reputation on the line to find the truth, getting uncomfortably close to some secrets from Donovan’s own past.
Temrai, a cunning and ruthless Chief from the Plains, infiltrates Perimadeia, the Triple City, to learn how to conquer it through siege. Opposite him stands Bardas Loredan, a skilled fencer, and the surviving member of a legendary band of soldiers who killed Temrai’s family.
For the past 12 years Loredan has worked as a “lawyer,” representing clients in duels to the death. But his past comes back to haunt him as a curse tightens around him and Temrai sets his scheme into action.
Drothe has been a member of the Kin for years, rubbing elbows with thieves and murderers in the employ of a crime lord while smuggling relics on the side.
But when an ancient book falls into his hands, Drothe finds himself in possession of a relic capable of bringing down emperors-a relic everyone in the underworld would kill to obtain.
Sharakhai, the great city of the desert, has been ruled from time immemorial by twelve kings—cruel, ruthless, powerful, and immortal. With their elite forces and holy defenders, there is no hope of freedom.
Or so it seems, until Çeda, a brave young woman from the west end slums, defies the Kings’ laws by going outside on the holy night of Beht Zha’ir. What she learns that night of the Kings’ mysterious history and her own hidden heritage could finally break the iron grip of the Kings’ power… if they don’t find her first.
Lukan Gardova is a cardsharp, academy dropout, and—thanks to a duel that ended badly—the disgraced heir to an ancient noble house.
When Lukan discovers that his estranged father has been murdered in strange circumstances, he vows to unravel the mystery behind his father’s death.
His search for answers leads him to Saphrona, fabled city of merchant princes, where anything can be bought if one has the coin. But the price of truth is the deadliest of all.
The city of Guerdon stands eternal. A refuge from the war that rages beyond its borders. But in the ancient tunnels deep beneath its streets, a malevolent power has begun to stir. The fate of the city, and the outcome of a centuries old magical war between ancient beings, mages, and humanity, rests in the hands of three thieves.
As conspiracies unfold and secrets are revealed, their friendship will be tested to the limit. If they fail, all will be lost, and the streets of Guerdon will run with blood.
Jovan was born into a noble family with a secret duty. To all appearances, he is a quiet, affable friend of the Chancellor’s irresponsible Heir. In truth, he’s a master of poisons and chemicals, trained to protect the Chancellor’s family from treachery.
When the Chancellor succumbs to an unknown poison and an army lays siege to the city, Jovan and his sister Kalina must protect the Heir and save their city-state. But treachery lurks in every corner, and the ancient spirits of the land are rising . . . and angry.
The city-state of Saraykeht is a leader of commerce, but its economy depends on the power of the captive spirit, Seedless, an andat bound to the poet-sorcerer Heshai for life.
Enter the Galts, a juggernaut of an empire committed to laying waste to all lands. If they can dispose of the sorcerer, the spirit too will perish and the entire city will fall.
Otah, a simple laborer with a complex past, inadvertently discovers the Galtish plot inside the city – only he can stop them.
Amidst the gas lamp shadows of the city of D’Orsee, former soldier-turned-mercenary John Vanguard hunts criminals for a corrupt employer. Seeking to make amends for his deserter past, a chance encounter with Tarryn Leersac – a skilled, young, would-be-assassin fallen from high society – leads Vanguard to become an unlikely mentor.
Charged with hunting down the killer of two guards, Vanguard delves into the underbelly of the city, becoming entangled in greater mysteries. Can he find redemption, and piece together the truth of the last war, before another tears them apart?
God is dead, his corpse hidden in the catacombs beneath Mordew.
In the slums of the sea-battered city, a boy called Nathan Treeves picks treasures from the Living Mud and the half-formed creatures it spawns. Until one day his desperate mother sells him to the mysterious Master of Mordew.
The Master derives his magical power from feeding on the corpse of God. But Nathan has his own strength—and it is greater than the Master has ever known. Great enough to destroy him. If only Nathan can discover how to use it.
After 10 years on the run, dodging daemons and debt, reviled magician Edrin Walker returns home to avenge the brutal murder of his friend. Lynas had uncovered a terrible secret, something that threatened to devour the entire city. He tried to warn the Arcanum, the sorcerers who rule the city.
He failed – Lynas was skinned alive and Walker felt every cut. Now, nothing will stop him from finding the murderer. Magi, mortals, daemons, and even the gods—Walker will burn them all if he has to. After all, it wouldn’t be the first time he’s killed a god.
Hi, I’m Caylah Coffeen, a freelance editor and marketer of sci-fi and fantasy books. I love reading and writing and am a follower of Jesus Christ.
I’ve worked for Monster Ivy Publishing and Eschler Editing, and am currently a weekly editor with Havok Publishing. Reach out to chat about books and publishing!
Thanks for stopping by my website! I hope you’ve found some helpful resources about reading, writing, and publishing. If you liked this article, here’s some more free content…
Princes and strategists, martial champions and war heroes, grit, sweat, brawls, and schemes. Since the beginning of time, we have told stories about the best and worst of men – from myths and epics, to action and adventure classics, to modern superheroes and fantasy rogues, such stories have touched hearts across language barriers and millennia.
So why are they hard to find on bookshelves today?
Let’s take a look at the modern publishing market, reader tastes, and my own perspective as a book editor (plus a few obligatory caveats):
These are 8 of my favorite books of all time. Notice any commonalities?
All of these stories are about men (and boys) – clever, dangerous, heroic, stalwart men. Some are written for general audiences, while others go all in on the “bro vibes.”
Each tale contains passion and violence, loyalty and steadfast friendships, promises broken and kept, strategic and psychological contests, and a mix of wit and heartbreak. The ones that have stood the test of centuries reveal great truths about the human condition.
There’s something else I’ll point out though. The most recently published of these 8, Virtuous Sons (read my review) and Theft of Swords, were both self-published first, and only picked up by publishers after finding great success. The same is true of the wildly popular Cradle series by Will Wight and the Dungeon Crawler Carl series by Matt Dinniman.
2 more of my favorites, The Hands of the Emperor by Victoria Goddard (read my review) and Paranoid Mage by InadvisablyCompelled, have continued to gain momentum as self-published works.
It’s not like we have a net shortage of books about boys and men – that’s the majority of what’s been published for all of human history. But, naturally, modern readers gravitate toward books written in a modern voice – we want new ones.
If I, as a female reader, am irritated by the lack, I can’t imagine how frustrating it must be for male readers, especially boys and young men who are developing their taste for reading!
Big publishers don’t want boy books – they’re wrong
But the Big 5 publishers don’t want to publish “boy books” anymore. Many will deny there’s even such a thing as a “boy” book, or that there shouldn’t be (“that’s not inclusive!!!”).
I strongly disagree with all 3 statements:
I want to see boy books published – I want to read them! And edit them. And market them to more readers who will love them.
There’s definitely such a thing as a book by, for, and about men/boys, that male readers enjoy more than female readers (not that girls can’t as well – I’m a woman and you just saw my favorites list). That doesn’t change the fact that at the core, they are bro books.
There should be boy books. Stories that feel like they were written just for you are incredibly powerful! Everyone should have the chance to read stories that delight and resonate with the deepest parts of our soul. If that means reading books about people that are like you… well, duh.
Modern publishing has a chicken and egg problem. They claim they don’t publish as many books about male main characters because male readers don’t buy books as much as female readers.
Male readers respond thusly: “We’ve stopped buying your books because you won’t publish the types we actually want to read.”
There are thriving indie publishers and reading communities online for action and adventure books that are just straight up fun – no identity politics, no need for sensitivity readers – just cool dudes running around with swords. Virtuous Sons, published initially as a web novel on Royal Road, received over 4 million views.
In the past, before the digital age and the advent of self-publishing, books published by the Big 5 were the only option. If you weren’t reading them, you weren’t reading. In their elitism, the Big 5 have refused to adjust their attitude. They blame their potential buyers rather than their own business model. But men are reading. They’re just taking their time and money elsewhere.
And why wouldn’t they, when their tastes are being insulted?
No, I have no interest in reading any of the “adventure fantasy” books on Amazon with grotesquely proportioned anime pinup girls spilling across the covers. No more than I want to read any of the romantasy featuring glowering, glistening, shirtless shifters.
But male readers (and female ones) are told they’re stupid or backward for wanting to read books about male heroes running around killing dragons, clearing dungeons, leveling up with ridiculously powerful magic, sitting around with their comrades swapping scar stories, and chasing (and getting) the girl at the end.
You’re not stupid. Those are great stories. Some are just good stories – that’s ok too.
What I’m NOT saying
Because everyone gets triggered so easily these days, let me tell you what I’m not saying.
I’m NOT saying that girl books are stupid, or that female authors shouldn’t write the stories they want to tell, or that female characters are worse than male characters, or that if a book can’t appeal to a male audience too, it shouldn’t be published, or that female characters can’t compel male readers etc. etc. etc.
I’m certainly not saying that for a book to be truly great, it needs to be by, for, or about men.
But the publishing industry needs to stop saying the opposite. Stop telling (white) male authors that it’s their duty to step aside and “stop taking up the limelight already so that others can have their turn.” Stop telling authors that their stories are “too male-centric” and that unless they have at least one female POV/main character, their book won’t even be considered. Stop telling male authors that strong, masculine, confident male protagonists are inherently problematic.
Write boy books!
I want to read your boy books! Even more so, I want to read your “men books” – with characters worthy of the tag “epic.” So please write them (whether you’re a male or female author)!
If you’re also on the hunt for modern bro books, you’re not alone. Guess what my most popular blog post is? By a massive margin.
There is demand. Don’t let people tell you otherwise.
And if you’re a male author looking for a book editor, but are feeling a bit querulous after discovering that almost all book editors are women, you don’t have to worry that I’m going to treat you like a tasteless jerk for “having the audacity to think a story deserves to be told about a male main character who starts out as kind of a jerk.”
Characters are supposed to have weaknesses. There wouldn’t be a story if your characters didn’t have to grow and change.
Neither does a male protagonist have to be the most profound, unique character ever written in order to make a good story that readers will buy. The female protagonists in most modern books sure aren’t.
I would be delighted to read your story, review it, and perhaps even work with you to edit it into the best it can be.
So keep writing about brave boys and mighty men!
Hi, I’m Caylah Coffeen, a freelance editor and marketer of sci-fi and fantasy books. I love reading and writing and am a follower of Jesus Christ.
I’ve worked for Monster Ivy Publishing and Eschler Editing, and am currently a weekly editor with Havok Publishing. Reach out to chat about books and publishing!
Thanks for stopping by my website! I hope you’ve found some helpful resources about reading, writing, and publishing. If you liked this article, here’s some more free content…
A grimdark, character-driven adult fantasy tale full of morbid wit and deft turns of phrase, but too many POV characters which make the pacing suffer.
Summary
A war hero turned crippled torturer. A barbarian war leader turned refugee. A fop turned unworthy fencing champion. Three extremely different men face wars past and present, uncover political schemes, and get dragged around by the machinations of an entitled old wizard.
Characters: 4/5 stars
This book follows 3 POV characters for the first half of the book and then eases in 3 more in the second half. Glokta, the Inquisitor, is cynically hilarious and a refreshingly realistic take on the “tortured survivor turned torturer” trope. Logan Ninefingers is your lonesome barbarian, trying to find redemption after a very bloody life. Luthar, a noble fencing fop, is insufferable and I wondered why we had his POV at all.
Of the 3, only Glokta gets a real character arc. The problem with stories with so many POVs is that often the first book can feel like only the first act of every character’s story. That’s mostly what this book felt like.
The modern reader will also likely feel dissatisfied with the lack of female representation. The only female character in the first half is the object of Luthar’s sexual fantasies. A vengeful warrior woman is introduced much later, but that’s 2 total women we follow across 3 continents of characters.
Plot: 3/5 stars
I love a character driven story (which this is), but there really isn’t much plot in this book except in Glokta’s arc. The problem mostly lies in the fact that all the characters are in different parts of the world or are introduced before they really become relevant to the plot.
Logan spends the entire book traveling from over the mountains to the main city (where Glokta and Luthar are), thinking about his past and getting caught up in petty fights on the way. If this book was told only from his POV, everything that happens to him in this book would take up only a third of a standalone book.
Similarly, Luthar is a shallow narcissist who spends the whole book sort of fencing and really drinking. He’s the frat boy we know must eventually mature, but it would have been perfectly fine plot-wise to introduce him an entire book later, so little does his POV do for the story (besides irritate us). Glokta gets to chase mysteries and rediscover a friendship he thought lost, which was genuinely moving.
Worldbuilding: 3/5 stars
Nothing special. All the familiar late-medieval/renaissance era equivalents. Faux Viking barbarians in the north. Faux European castles and trade guilds, full of infighting and politicking. Faux “evil Muslims” in the south. Wizard orders and tales of old world demons and magic.
There are some interesting focal points in the soft magic system – the laws forbidding certain practices (hence the title of the series – The First Law), but I won’t spoil that. 😉
Writing: 5/5 stars
I was the most impressed by Joe Abercrombie’s writing style which is truly masterful! It’s why I kept reading. I usually can’t stand books with over 3 POV characters, but he managed them so deftly that I quite enjoyed it. He is an expert at pacing. That may sound strange since I said the plot was slow, but on a scene-by-scene level, Abercrombie is excellent at starting and ending in just the right places.
Everything that needs to happen in a chapter happens – no more, no less. Each segment feels like a full part of the character’s journey, not just a step to get somewhere else. He uses, but does not abuse cliffhangers. He switches between POVs at natural places in a way that doesn’t make the reader distracted and frustrated waiting to get back to them.
We receive just enough information about the characters’ pasts and mysterious plot points to keep us aching for more, and he then reveals the next piece in quite an enjoyable way. His sentence structure and style itself is quite refreshing, not bloated like that of many modern fantasy authors. Great turns of phrase, humor, purposeful descriptions that don’t take a full page to get through, and a great clip at the sentence level.
I went on to complete the trilogy because of how much I enjoyed Abercrombie’s writing style.
Logen Ninefingers, worn down by years of feuds and bad luck, flees the North with more enemies than allies.
In the civilized Union, Jezal dan Luthar coasts on privilege towards a fencing tournament, while Glokta—once a proud soldier himself, now a crippled torturer—cuts through thickening treason cases.
When old Magus Bayaz pulls all three men into his schemes, their paths collide amid political rot and rising conspiracies which threaten the fate of kingdoms.
CONTENT WARNING: Readers may like to know that the book is very R-rated for graphic violence, swearing, and sexual content, in that order of frequency.
Hi, I’m Caylah Coffeen, a freelance editor and marketer of sci-fi and fantasy books. I love reading and writing and am a follower of Jesus Christ.
I’ve worked for Monster Ivy Publishing and Eschler Editing, and am currently a weekly editor with Havok Publishing. Reach out to chat about books and publishing!
Thanks for stopping by my website! I hope you’ve found some helpful resources about reading, writing, and publishing. If you liked this article, here’s some more free content…
Apparently I’m in the minority, but I much prefer reading stories set in antiquity than in medieval times and on. Due to fragmentary or absent records, many people might not even consider books about ancient times to be “historical” fiction. Such stories do tend to incorporate much more of myth, legend, and folklore (which is perhaps why I love them).
For this reading list, I’ve compiled historical fiction books set in the BC era, with a focus on Bronze Age empires and civilizations. I love the Greco-Roman and Egyptian world, but they make up the bulk of ancient historical fiction. It can be hard to find novels from the perspectives of any other ancient cultures!
But I’ve wrangled up some options which are intricately researched and can help you expand your story’s worldbuilding beyond Medieval European or Mediterranean analogues (I would LOVE to read more “bronze age fantasy”).
They were brothers, best friends, rivals in love. But, though it seemed that nothing could come between them, only one of them could become master of the dazzling Assyrian Empire that stretched from the Mediterranean to the western borders of India; only one could know the love of Esharhamat, the woman they both desired.
Seven centuries before Christ, the young Assyrian princes Tiglath Ashur and Esarhaddon were forced to compete fiercely against each other, for the greatest Empire the world had ever seen.
1315 BC. The Hittite Empire faces threats from Egypt, Assyria, and Mycenae. The birth of Prince Hattu should unite the Hittites in celebration.
But the Goddess Ishtar delivers a chilling omen: the boy will bring ruin, betrayal, and bloodshed. Thus, he grows up as an outcast, feared by his people, scorned by his father and hunted by prophecy.
Yet as war burns across the horizon, Hattu is drawn into the fray. Will he fulfill the goddess’s curse—or rewrite destiny itself?
Old and blind but still unyielding, Persian ambassador Cyrus Spitama breaks his silence in 445 BC, furious at Herodotus’ tales and determined to dictate the Persian truth of empires, wars, and the gods themselves.
He recounts a life spent at the heart of Darius’ court, surviving boars and palace coups, debating with Buddha and Confucius, taking an Indian wife, and witnessing the rise and fall of kings from Babylon to Cathay. His “travel memoir” becomes a sweeping counter-history to the Grecian perspective.
Note: If you’ve read Herodotus, you’ll understand why many readers say this is hard to get through.
Historical Fiction Set in North Africa
I couldn’t find any historical fiction set in Africa during antiquity, except about cultures bordering the Mediterranean. It’s hard enough to find pre-colonial fiction and records from Africa, let alone pre-Medieval ones. There are many great novels about Egypt, notably River God by Wilbur Smith, but essentially all other fiction set in Africa in antiquity focuses on myths and folklore, as oral histories were lost.
Carthage—an opulent superpower ruled by greed, gods who demand sacrifice, and citizens far too wealthy to fight their own battles. Following the end of the first Punic War, 20,000 mercenaries, still unpaid rise in fury, laying siege to the city.
A rebel warlord’s obsession with the high priestess Salammbò adds fuel to the flame, resulting in a clash of armies so savage the earth itself seems to bleed. Epic, operatic, and unflinching, this is War and Peace by way of the Punic Wars.
Historical Fiction Set in the Americas
The same problem exists concerning historical fiction about ancient civilizations of the Americas. Records were deliberately destroyed by conquistadors, relegating much of what we know to the areas of myth and anthropology. It’s even harder to find historical novels that have been translated into English by native authors.
Set amid the upheavals of the Maya civilization’s Late Classic period, House of the Waterlily follows Lady Winik, a young royal thrust into the rising danger and political chaos of a failing civilization.
As rival powers close in and the world she knows begins to fracture, Winik’s journey invites readers to explore the splendor and dangers of Mayan life, as seen through the lens of Kelli Carmean’s PhD in anthropology.
Centuries before Arthur and Merlin, the orphaned Celt Ainvar rises to master the druidic arts—mind, magic, healing, and war—becoming the unlikely soul-friend of the future warrior-king Vercingetorix.
Together they journey across a fractured Gaul, uniting the Celtic tribes in a defiant stand against Julius Caesar and the relentless legions of Rome.
Note: Yes, the antagonists in this are Roman – hard to avoid. But as the POV characters and culture are not, I let this slip in.
A dying stranger’s trove of gold ignites a deadly rivalry between three brothers. The eldest, Lengar, the warrior, harnesses his murderous ambition to take great power for his tribe.
Camaban becomes a feared wise man, and it is his vision that will force the youngest brother, Saban, to create a great temple where the gods will appear on earth. But when Saban falls in love with Aurenna, the sun bride destined to die for the gods, the great monument becomes a battleground.
Note: this gets into prehistory, but by the acclaimed author best known for his Saxon and Richard Sharpe stories.
Historical Fiction Set in Asia
Most novels set in ancient India are mythic retellings, taken from the delightfully massive epics the Ramayana and Mahabharata or other legends.
Chinese historical records from antiquity are apparently sparse, making accurate historical fiction difficult. I thought I’d be sure to find some fiction about the Warring States period and the first unified dynasty (Qin), or the Han dynasty’s Golden Age and the formation of the Silk Road, but almost everything (including the classic novel Romance of the Three Kingdoms) takes place starting in early AD around the fall of the Han dynasty.
It’s even harder to find examples of historical fiction set in antiquity from the rest of Asia, though it looks like Korea has some popular options (Goguryeo by Kim Jin-myung) that haven’t been translated into English yet.
Discover the ruthless origins of the famously peaceful Emperor Ashoka the Great.
A Brahmin prophesies that a legendary ruler will be born to the Mauryan ruler Bindusara, but the child is born frail and ordinary-looking. Shunned by his father, and bullied and humiliated by his elder brother Susima, prince Ashoka learns from an early age to be the master of his own fate.
Under the determined tutelage of his mother, and inspired by a spirited young woman, he begins to dream of ruling the vast empire.
India, third century BC: a conqueror from Greece has arrived on their doorstep. Chanakya, a wily political strategist looking for vengeance against the ruthless rulers of Magadha, seeks out a hidden heir. Moriya, raised by a tribe of peacock-tamers, is oblivious to his identity until Chanakya becomes his teacher.
The tentative young man, now christened Chandragupta, makes his way across the vast plains of Bharatvarsha to meet the famed invader Alexander, build an army of his own, and right the wrongs of his fathers.
China, 184 AD: the Han dynasty is falling. Liao Hua, a young peasant boy, becomes the symbol of the Yellow Turban’s vengeful uprising. As untrained farmers face the full might of the empire, Liao Hua vows to do whatever it takes to become the greatest warrior of his time. However, when his path crosses that of the bearded warrior, he must face the fact that an iron will won’t be enough to triumph in an age of chaos.
Note: this story falls just barely at the end of antiquity, and is the only modern, well-reviewed novel about the Han dynasty that I could find in English.
If you know of other historical fiction novels set in ancient times, please leave a comment to recommend them!
Hi, I’m Caylah Coffeen, a freelance editor and marketer of sci-fi and fantasy books. I love reading and writing and am a follower of Jesus Christ.
I’ve worked for Monster Ivy Publishing and Eschler Editing, and am currently a weekly editor with Havok Publishing. Reach out to chat about books and publishing!
Thanks for stopping by my website! I hope you’ve found some helpful resources about reading, writing, and publishing. If you liked this article, here’s some more free content…
I love reading fantasy books influenced by a vast range of storytelling methods, mythologies, cultural traditions, and locales! It’s fascinating to encounter entirely new monsters, folk legends, turns of phrase, and psychological approaches to age-old story elements.
In this list, I’ve focused more on authors who live in each region than on members of a diaspora, as there are some great lists out there already for the latter! It can be harder to find English versions of fantasy books from international authors.
Some of these works have been written in the author’s native language and later translated into English, while others were first written in English. A number of these stories feature a world inspired by the author’s cultural mythology or land, but not all. I favor adult epic fantasy, but you’ll also find urban and young adult fantasy, plus some magic realism and mythological retellings.
I hope you enjoy this challenge to read fantasy from around the world:
When Elān traps a salmon-thieving raven, he discovers it holds the secret to stopping the shapeshifting Koosh, and must lead a strange crew of beastly allies across storm-lashed seas to recover a lost weapon of power. As giants, monsters, and crumbling alliances close in, the reluctant storyteller must decide whether he’s willing to become the hero his dying homeland needs.
Cliopher Mdang, the reserved secretary of the Sun-on-Earth, risks everything by inviting the Emperor of Astandalas to his remote Island home—an act of friendship that could either spark his execution or upend the world.
But years after the devastation wrought by a black curse, a handful of courageous men and women embark upon a dangerous crusade to overthrow their despotic conquerors and bring back the brilliance of a long-lost name… Tigana.
Carl Corey wakes up in a secluded New York hospital with amnesia. He escapes and investigates, discovering the truth, piece by piece: he is really Prince Corwin, of Amber, the one true world of which our Earth is just a shadow. He is one of nine men who might rule Amber, if he can fight his way past the armies of his older brother Eric.
Raised to survive the brutal Tournament of Heirs, siblings Acalan and Metztli Amos must outwit rival houses and deadly trials to keep their empire from falling heirless—yet the deeper they go, the more they uncover a destiny far darker than victory alone. In a contest where only two blood-bound tributes can win, the heirs of the House of Life soon learn that triumph will demand sacrifices neither ever wished to make.
When Casiopea Tun accidentally frees the Mayan god of death from a mysterious box, she must help him reclaim his throne—or die trying—sending her on a perilous journey from Yucatán’s jungles to Mexico City and deep into the shadowy Mayan underworld.
In this haunting classic of Latin American literature, a young man’s search for the father he never knew leads him into the ghost-ridden town of Comala, where the corrupt legacy of Pedro Páramo has poisoned every soul and memory lingering there.
Exiled warrior Colibrí and her son Narune must confront a corrupting curse that has plagued their world since its dawn, resisting the maddening effects of their own magic to become the champions their people desperately need.
Born conjoined, daughters of a mortal woman and a demigod, twins Makeda and Abby grew up inseparable—until Abby’s magic blossomed and Makeda was left feeling painfully ordinary. Makeda strikes out on her own, only to be drawn back into her family’s tangled supernatural world when their father disappears, forcing her to uncover her own hidden strengths—and mend the bond with her sister—to save him.
A liberating, avant-garde recreation of popular tales and characters from the Guatemalan collective unconscious—including, from the Mayan sacred text, the Popol Vuh—this book contains a riot of folklore, colonial resistance, animistic nature, and ethnic identity.
South American Fantasy
Fantasy from Latin America heavily favors magical realism. There are few examples of epic fantasy translated into English, but many highly acclaimed literary works that incorporate folk legends and hints of the spiritual world.
Ursula K. Le Guin’s translation of Angélica Gorodischer’s award-winning Kalpa Imperial brings to English a sweeping, many-voiced chronicle of a legendary empire that rises and falls across ages. Fairy tales, oral histories and political commentaries are all woven tapestry-style into Kalpa Imperial: beggars become emperors, democracies become dictatorships, and history becomes legends and stories.
With his characteristic piercing irony, inventiveness, and skepticism, Borges sends us journeying into a bizarre yet resonant realm; we enter the fearful sphere of Pascal’s abyss, the surreal and literal labyrinth of books, and the iconography of eternal return.
When omens foretell a mysterious fleet approaching the Remote Realm, the seven tribes gather in a perilous council where betrayal, prophecy, and impending doom collide as they face the terrifying question of whether salvation—or the Son of Death—has finally arrived.
Isabel Allende’s The House of the Spirits follows three generations of the Trueba family, blending political upheaval, forbidden love, and quiet magic into a sweeping portrait of a nation in transformation. From Esteban’s fierce ambitions to Clara’s otherworldly grace and Alba’s revolutionary destiny, this modern classic entwines the intimate and the epic into an unforgettable saga.
One Hundred Years of Solitude chronicles the rise and fall of the mythical town of Macondo and the Buendía family, weaving love, war, lust, and death into a dazzling saga that mirrors the history, myths, and humanity of Latin America—and, ultimately, the world.
In a land ruled by war and love and strange enchantments, Cuchulain—torn between gentleness and violence, haunted by the croakings of a sinister raven—fights for his honor and his homeland and discovers too late the trap that the gods have set for him in the fatal beauty of Deirdre and the brutal jealousy of King Conor.
This gentle story takes us to a simpler time and place where Princess Irene and her best friend Curdie must save the kingdom from a evil Goblin plot. Join them as they outwit the Goblins and save the day.
Follow Ophelia, a plainspoken young woman who can read the history of objects and slip through mirrors, as she’s forced into a political marriage that drags her from her warm home ark to the treacherous, ice-bound Pole. There, amid secretive clans, hidden agendas, and a world fractured into floating realms ruled by immortal ancestors, Ophelia must survive a dangerous game where she is both pawn and unexpected power.
Full of philosophical and allegorical themes, The Little Prince tells the story of a young prince who travels from planet to planet, meeting different inhabitants and learning important life lessons along the way.
Ahren’s miserable life changes forever when he’s chosen as apprentice to Falk, the forest guardian—learning archery, battling Dark Ones, and unexpectedly illuminating the Stone of the Gods. Joined by a prickly wizard and racing toward the elven kingdom for aid, Ahren must face a destiny that has already drawn the eye of a relentless, ancient force.
When a merciless demon wreaks havoc across human and elven realms, Northlander Jarl Mandred joins forces with the elf queen Emerelle and the legendary warriors Farodin and Nuramon to hunt it down through a series of brutal battles that span parallel universes.
Abandoned as a child and raised among humans, Tungdil the blacksmith must embrace his hidden dwarf heritage to face a threat no one has ever survived—and save Girdlegard from destruction.
When sickly Karl Lion loses his beloved brother Jonathan, he longs for the afterlife paradise of Nangiyala—only to find it threatened by a tyrant and a fearsome beast once he arrives. Reunited at last, the brothers must summon courage neither knew they possessed to defend their new world from darkness.
When fifteen-winter-old Hirka discovers she’s an “Odin’s child”—a tailless outcast from another world—she’s thrust into a brutal storm of prophecy, xenophobia, and hunted secrets that could shatter her Norse-rooted realm and ignite a war between worlds.
When a beloved friend vanishes before their annual reunion, three men return to their Puglian hometown and uncover rumors of miracles, mafia entanglements, and a mysterious “Book of Hidden Things” that suggests Art has crossed into a realm far darker, and more wondrous, than any of them imagined.
Set in modern Moscow, Night Watch blends urban fantasy with spy-thriller intrigue as Light and Dark Others—magicians, shapeshifters, and vampires bound by a fragile truce—quietly war for advantage. When mid-level Light magician Anton Gorodetsky encounters a cursed young woman whose allegiance could tip the balance, he’s drawn into a dangerous struggle where a single misstep could doom the city—or the world.
After a thousand-year exile meant to break him, Hedin—Sage of Darkness—returns armed with forbidden magic and a vengeful resolve to overthrow the mages who condemned him and even challenge the gods themselves.
Determined to rid herself of the magic she fears, Liska ventures into a demon-haunted forest to claim a mythical fern flower—only to strike a perilous bargain with its warden, the enigmatic Leszy. But in his crumbling manor, where past bargainers have vanished and something far more terrifying stalks the woods, Liska must uncover the Leszy’s secrets and confront the monster within herself if she hopes to survive.
Geralt is a Witcher, a man whose magic powers, enhanced by long training and a mysterious elixir, have prepared him for a sole purpose: to destroy the monsters that plague the world. But not everything monstrous-looking is evil and not everything fair is good…
Hunted by her monstrous ex (the Tsar of Monsters), and dying without the shadow that fuels her magic, witch Kosara has just twelve days to reclaim her power—forcing her into a perilous alliance with a too-honorable detective as every clue drags her back toward the one monster she fears most.
Ukraine
Vita Nostra by Marina Dyachenko and Sergey Dyachenko
Chosen for the enigmatic Institute of Special Technologies, Sasha Samokhina enters a nightmarishly strange school where unreadable books, surreal lessons, and brutal consequences reshape both her and her reality. A complex blend of adventure, dark magic, science, and philosophy that probes the mysteries of existence
In this sly, illustrated fairy-folk exposé, gnomes and pixies hilariously dissect the absurd rituals and baffling anatomy of humankind, turning classic folklore on its head to reveal the uncanny truths hiding inside our strangest behaviors.
Four desperate warrior heroes swash and buckle and slay across the exotic landscapes of original, Asian-inspired settings in these novella-length, action-packed tales. From serpent-goddess temples in the jungle lands tot he snowy peaks and hidden valleys of the Drokpa Mountains, Swords of the Four Winds delivers rousing sword and sorcery adventure in the classic vein, rife with cruel schemes, betrayals, grisly magic and swift, savage swordplay.
Loulie al-Nazari is the Midnight Merchant: a criminal who, with the help of her jinn bodyguard, hunts and sells illegal magic. When she saves the life of a cowardly prince, she draws the attention of his powerful father, the sultan, who blackmails her into finding an ancient lamp that has the power to revive the barren land—at the cost of sacrificing all jinn.
They took his daughter, so Micah comes to take their kingdom. Fifty thousand gun-toting paladins march behind him, all baptized in angel blood, and only the janissaries can stand against them. But their living legend, Kevah, is drowning in grief over the loss of his wife – whose side will the gods choose?
Once a brilliant cultivator turned feared demonic master, Wei Wuxian is resurrected in another man’s body and thrust back into a world that still hunts the shadows of his past. As old mysteries resurface, he must confront them alongside the steadfast Lan Wangji—an ally whose loyalty, strength, and shared history may finally illuminate the darkness that once consumed them both.
Sun Wukong, the mischievous Monkey King, must redeem himself by protecting the monk Tripitaka on a perilous fourteen-year journey to India, facing dragons, demons, and gods while using every trick, transformation, and daring stunt to survive.
Rin, a war-orphaned peasant girl who surprises everyone by entering the elite Sinegard military school, must master her lethal shamanic powers and confront the vengeful god Phoenix to survive deadly rivalries at school and a looming war that could cost her her humanity.
When fifteen-year-old Saya learns she is the reincarnated Water Maiden—and heir to the very Darkness she was raised to hate—she’s thrust into the center of a generations-long holy war. Hunted by both sides as the only one who can awaken the Dragon Sword, she must choose between Light and Dark…or face the fate that doomed every Water Maiden before her.
Naruto Uzumaki, a spirited young ninja, is ostracized for housing the Nine-Tails demon who attacked their village, but he trains hard and battles formidable foes to gain acceptance and fulfill his dream of becoming Hokage, the leader of his village.
In a necromancy-driven empire where even death means servitude, a young sorceress, a chained seven-eyed dragon, and a determined swordswoman must rise against dark magic and imperial tyranny—or watch the world burn.
Sung Jin-Woo is the weakest of all hunters, until he gains the ability to grow stronger without limits, and embarks on a deadly journey against dungeons, monsters, and conspiracies to become the world’s most powerful hunter.
When a boy discovers his father’s diary, he is transported to an enchanted alpine world of talking animals, tree spirits, and fleeting magic, where friendship, loss, and the passage of time intertwine in a hauntingly beautiful fable.
Bled by war and on the brink of collapse, the Mathuran Republic is caught in a deadly web of ambition, vengeance, and prophecy. As senators, pirates, warriors, and gods maneuver for power, old scores, forbidden desires, and forgotten deities collide, setting the stage for the rise of the fabled Son of Darkness.
The illegitimate daughter of an imperial governor, and born with the blood of desert spirits, Mehr must navigate a world that both covets and persecutes her, using cunning and magic to survive the Ambhan Empire’s ruthless mystics.
Ambitious lone wolf Phi Hunter, Ex is hired by the pregnant runaway Arinya to escort her through a ghost-haunted forest to the safety of the Capital, but there’s more than men and monsters chasing her, and the secrets could unravel the whole Kingdom.
When the djinn king Melek Ahmar awakens after millennia expecting to conquer Kathmandu, he instead finds a perfectly managed techno-paradise ruled by the omniscient AI Karma—one its citizens have no desire to overthrow. Only exiled Gurkha soldier Bhan Gurung burns for vengeance, drawing Melek into a spiraling conflict that will expose buried crimes and shake the city to its core.
The Nobel Prize-winning Egyptian writer Naguib Mahfouz refashions the classic tales of Scheherazade into a novel written in his own imaginative, spellbinding style.
Ten years after Jasad’s royal family was slaughtered and magic banned, hidden Heir Sylvia’s magic is exposed, forcing her to strike a deal with enemy prince Arin. Can she keep her identity, and her growing attraction, secret as she helps him hunt rebels in exchange for her life?
Nigeria
I was delighted to discover how many fantasy books are being written by Nigerian (and Nigerian-American) authors, including Son of the Storm, Raybearer, The Rage of Dragons, Black Leopard Red Wolf, and the ones listed below!
Step into a world true to Yoruba cosmology, full of warriors, sages and kings; magical trees and snake people; spirits, Ghommids and bog-trolls. Here are the adventures of Akara-ogun—son of a brave warrior and wicked witch—as he journeys into the forest, encountering and dealing with all-too-real unforeseen forces, and engaging in terrifying spiritual and moral relationships with personifications of his fate.
A small boy wanders into a fantastical African forest filled with grotesque and terrifying beings, survives ghosts, burials, and spider webs, and faces a chance at escape when a “television-handed” ghostess appears.
They killed my mother. They took my magic. Now Zélie has one chance to bring back magic and strike against the monarchy. With the help of a rogue princess, Zélie must outwit and outrun the crown prince, who is hell-bent on eradicating magic for good.
Twelve-year-old albino Sunny discovers her latent magical powers and joins a quartet of young mages learning to bend reality—but when a cunning magic-wielding criminal strikes, she must discover if her new skills are enough to stop him.
When a woman follows a dazzling blue-headed bird to the timeless village of Sonokrom, she unwittingly sparks an invasion from the modern city of Accra, led by a young pathologist determined to explain the unexplainable. Tail of the Blue Bird is a poetic, darkly funny fable where ancestral spirits, forest magic, and the power of storytelling defy scientific logic and challenge the very boundaries of truth.
The founders of the Gĩkũyũ people set cunning challenges for the 99 suitors of their ten extraordinary daughters, “The Perfect Nine,” in this tale that blends narrative verse, folklore, mythology, adventure, and allegory.
In a crumbling apartment in the Angolan city of Luanda, the melancholic Odonato searches for his lost son, but as his hope fades and his city changes beyond all recognition, Odonato’s flesh becomes transparent and his body increasingly weightless – a captivating, experimental portrait of urban Africa quite unlike any before yet published in English.
Three gifted outsiders—a “cursed” African woman who cannot die, a runaway Virginian with incredible strength, and a half-Jamaican boy who can vanish—chase their dreams of freedom and acceptance in a fledgling Liberia.
In Itakaa, where gods and kings play a deadly game, Crown Princess Ekara Amaare faces the Prancing Ceremony and an unexpected summons to the Oracle Asylum—the trials that will choose the next ruler. With the newly risen Oracle Kazani hiding secrets that could unravel the kingdom, every choice in the trials carries stakes that will shape or destroy Itakaa.
When Sabriel’s father, the Abhorsen, goes missing, she must journey into the perilous Old Kingdom, where Free Magic and the restless Dead threaten at every turn, and only with the reluctant help of a cunning cat and a haunted young mage can she hope to face the forces of life and death.
Young Kahu, the only potential heir in a line of male chiefs, must harness her magical bond with whales to challenge tradition, win her great-grandfather’s respect, and secure the future of her Māori tribe.
Putera Mikal has spent his life seeking the Amok Strength, the divine power that his impious father somehow wields effortlessly, but when prophecy plunges him into captivity, he must win Kudus’ favor, reclaim his throne, and save his people from certain doom.
In a world where the seadragon’s egg—the dragonfruit—can erase a person’s deepest sorrow, Hanalei of Tamarind must navigate exile, ancient magic, and deadly rivals to reclaim her home and undo a terrible wrong. Alongside Prince Sam, who seeks a cure for his mother and a chance at hope, they confront not only enemies but the perilous cost of the dragonfruit itself.
Queen Talyien’s bloody rise to power nearly tore her nation apart, and her attempt at peace fails when her fiance, the son of a rival clan, disappears. Years later, he sends her a mysterious invitation, but when Talyien journeys across the sea to meet him, an assassination attempt strands her alone and untrusting in a strange land.
Sixteen-year-old Emma, long aware of a mysterious “between-worlds” hidden in the Hawaiian forests, discovers a strange boy from Hilo who has stumbled into that realm—and into the path of the ancient Menehune, the islands’ first people.
As old magic stirs and the Menehune’s purpose becomes clear, Emma and the boy must unravel their intentions before their home—and the worlds—are changed forever.
Hi, I’m Caylah Coffeen, a freelance editor and marketer of sci-fi and fantasy books. I love reading and writing and am a follower of Jesus Christ.
I’ve worked for Monster Ivy Publishing and Eschler Editing, and am currently a weekly editor with Havok Publishing. Reach out to chat about books and publishing!
Thanks for stopping by my website! I hope you’ve found some helpful resources about reading, writing, and publishing. If you liked this article, here’s some more free content…
So, your editor has sent you the manuscript assessment for your story, and it’s a good 10+ pages long. It’s packed with useful feedback, some tough suggestions, and market advice you may never have thought of. You’re probably feeling excited, thoughts whirling, but also a little intimidated about where to start. It’s a lot to consider all at once.
The last thing I’d want is to complete a manuscript assessment for an author, only for them to sit and stare at their draft, with no idea what to edit first. And that’s not the author’s fault!
Think about it. You were taught (or learned through experience) how to write and how to accept and incorporate feedback from other writers or beta readers. If no one teaches you how to break down a long editorial report into steps you can implement in page-to-page editing, it’s little wonder you might feel stuck or overwhelmed.
So here are 8 tips for self-editing your book using the developmental feedback found in a manuscript assessment:
Note: if you haven’t received a manuscript assessment, but are reading this article to determine how helpful it might be to acquire one, I recommend you check out this sample manuscript assessment I completed for one of my author clients.
1. Reorganize Feedback into a Simple Checklist
I tend to organize my manuscript assessments by topic:
Character arcs
Plot
Structure and pacing
Opening, mid-point, ending
Writing style
Marketability
More
However, this might not be the most helpful form of organization for you to refer to quickly while editing. You could rearrange feedback into a chronological checklist.
For instance, in my section on characters, I may offer the following feedback: “I immediately related to the characters, but drifted emotionally from them in the middle of the story when they lost sight of their goals, but was moved by how they pulled through in the ending.” I might also say of writing style: “The first half of your story contained a heavy amount of passive voice and some awkward sentence structure, but your writing improved over the course of the manuscript.”
You could then pull out feedback suggestions and organize them into an editing checklist:
Act 1 Edits: – Active voice – utilize a thesaurus to vary verb choice – Sentence structure – sign up for a free trial for a grammar program (like ProWritingAid) to highlight my most common problems with sentence structure – Reexamine my turning point moving from Act 1 into Act 2 – compare it to what I did in the opening hook – how can I strengthen it to propel readers into the middle of the story with greater character clarity?
If another method of organization is more intuitive to you, then go for it! The idea is to pull out the common threads and compile them into a quick reference sheet that you can work through methodically.
2. “Pants” it!
Or, you could just throw organization to the wind and start where you’re most excited! If you’ve already rewritten your opening more times than you want to count and you dread editing it AGAIN, then skip to the part you WANT to write.
Don’t worry about the whole manuscript. Pick one scene that you have a ton of new ideas for, and start playing with it. It doesn’t have to be the chapter that needs the most work, or the scene that’s most important to the story as a whole.
I hope you can still have fun! Even if editing isn’t your favorite part of the writing process. It’s so important to remember why we even do this. Cling onto the joy of your story!
3. Make small edits that affect larger patterns
Complete a read-through with an eye out for small choices that contribute to consistent problems or patterns. For example, if I tell an author that their protagonist often comes across as whiny and disrespectful, I will mention several specific scenes where this problem was most apparent to demonstrate what I mean. But I won’t list every single instance.
That’s what a developmental edit is for – in a full edit I would highlight each time the character’s attitude appeared problematic and offer suggestions for improvement. But after an assessment, it’s up to you to read through your work again, watching for others ways such problems may appear.
The same is true for any issue your editor mentions was consistent throughout your story – the dialogue was drawn out, the descriptions were confusing, the action scenes felt clunky, etc.
This is where an editing checklist can come in handy again. If there are problems you know will come up consistently, write yourself a reminder.
In each chapter, check: – MC attitude and speech – Can I trim dialogue? – Read descriptions out loud to see if I stumble over them. Rewrite and trim for clarity.
4. Brainstorm with Friends
Get a second or third opinion from writer buddies and beta readers, especially regarding feedback that is hard for you to hear. It’s difficult to maintain emotional distance from a story that’s so close to your heart. So how will you know which editorial suggestions you should definitely implement, and where you can trust your own instinct as a writer?
That’s where additional feedback can help! Talk it out with a friend. Share the editorial advice you received and ask them what they think. Even if you can’t find a critique partner for your entire project, you could find people who are willing to look at a few chapters.
When you start hearing the same thing from different readers of your genre (that distinction is vital), you’ll gain more confidence and clarity about the necessary changes.
5. Decide What Feedback to Reject
Decide what feedback you want to accept and what you don’t. You’re not going to agree with everything your editor says, and that’s ok. There may be things your editor doesn’t know about later books in your series, or you could just love the way you have something and not want to change it. Editing is a collaborative process.
Of course, don’t reject professional suggestions out of hand. Some changes won’t feel fun, but really will strengthen your story.
But you might come up with alternate ways to address a problem your editor raises. Suggestions are just that. They’re meant to be helpful, not to pigeon-hole you or kill your creative spirit and voice.
Trust your instinct! Don’t pain over everything. If there are gut decisions you can make after going through the assessment, write them down on a “do” and “don’t” list, and move on.
This is one way that editing with a manuscript assessment can be more efficient than working from a developmental edit! All of your feedback is in one place, so you can read through it and make your “yes”/”no” list quickly, without first having to re-read through individual comments on your entire manuscript.
6. Ask Your Editor Questions
If you’re stuck, feel free to reach out to your editor again! I always invite authors to send me follow-up questions, and surprisingly few do. Perhaps they’re being considerate of my time, which I appreciate. After all, if I ended up offering writing coaching, I should bill for that time. But I consider follow-up questions to be part of the manuscript assessment service. It’s not hard to answer a few questions over email.
I also really enjoy talking about the stories I’ve worked on! Sometimes I’m actually disappointed when the author doesn’t have anything to say after I return my work, because I’m invested in their story and so curious and excited to see how they develop it further! You love talking about your book – so do I!
Of course, you could ask for a one-off coaching session. Or, if you feel like you need more detailed edits on a “problem section,” you could hire your editor to work on certain chapters. Not all editors will agree to edit “a-la-carte” like this, but some do, especially if they’ve already read your entire manuscript and understand the context.
One of my clients, for whom I completed a manuscript assessment, later hired me to edit his action scenes, as that was an area of weakness I had highlighted. He decided it wasn’t worth it to struggle over them – it wasn’t one of his strengths. So we worked on those portions together. It’s a great way to stay within budget, while still ensuring your work meets the standards you want.
7. Allow Yourself to Take Breaks
You might think, “but I’ve already been on a break, waiting to get my assessment back. I should jump back in now.” Not necessarily. You can allow some time for the ideas to percolate.
It’s hard to open yourself up to feedback on your story, which is your precious baby! It’s ok to take a breather, go read or write something purely for fun, and then come back to the assessment once your creative juices are flowing again.
Often, I offer reading suggestions to authors in my assessments – whether standout works in your genre, comparative titles I think could help you pitch your book, or writing resources.
It’s better to do something productive or uplifting than stress yourself out or do nothing at all!
8. Make a Plan Against Procrastination
The longer you put off getting started, the harder it’ll feel to go back and look at that editing list again. Try to set a schedule, set aside a consistent time to write, and make some personal deadlines.
This often works best when you have a writing buddy who can help hold you accountable! Try swapping each newly edited chapter with a critique partner once a week or biweekly. Your speed of editing isn’t important, but chipping away at your project little by little IS – or it’ll never happen.
This is general writing advice. If you had the self-discipline to finish and edit a draft, and send it to an editor, then you’ve learned some great habits over the years! Apply what you know of yourself as you use your manuscript assessment, even if the process feels different from how you’ve worked in the past.
If you’ve edited your novel using the feedback from a manuscript assessment, what worked best for you? What didn’t? Reach out – we’d love to add your advice as an author into this post!
Hi, I’m Caylah Coffeen, a freelance editor and marketer of sci-fi and fantasy books. I love reading and writing and am a follower of Jesus Christ.
I’ve worked for Monster Ivy Publishing and Eschler Editing, and am currently a weekly editor with Havok Publishing. Reach out to chat about books and publishing!
Thanks for stopping by my website! I hope you’ve found some helpful resources about reading, writing, and publishing. If you liked this article, here’s some more free content…
Professional book editing can be pretty expensive. Perhaps you’ve researched standard rates, or have recently received a quote that’s outside your budget. Either way you’re probably feeling pretty frustrated and wondering if there’s a way to save on costs, without sacrificing on the quality of feedback.
I’m here to tell you there is! It’s called a manuscript assessment or manuscript evaluation – a detailed editorial letter summarizing developmental feedback (without in-line edits).
It’s hard to find an actual example of a manuscript assessment on the internet, but I’ve uploaded one (with my client’s permission) here! I’ll also go over:
A manuscript assessment is an 8-15 page editorial letter detailing developmental feedback on:
Characterization
Plot
Style
Pacing
Structure
Dialogue
Openings
Endings
Marketability
Recommendations for next edits
More!
Here is an example of a manuscript assessment which I completed on a speculative fiction novel, shared here with the author’s permission. The complete version I provided to the author was 15 pages, but I have redacted some content and blurred names to protect the author’s unpublished work.
Please note that my author-editor contract specifies that I cannot share any portion of an author’s manuscript or any sensitive details about their work (without permission), which is professional standard. This is why it is difficult to find examples of a manuscript assessment online, and perhaps why this service is not more commonly known by authors.
How a manuscript assessment differs from a developmental edit
A manuscript assessment does NOT include line-by-line edits and comments.
A developmental edit examines characterization, plot, structure and more through in-line comments and notations on the manuscript itself. An editor will include specific feedback throughout each chapter, sometimes even on every page (depending on how much work the writing needs).
As such, a developmental edit takes a lot more time, with much more detailed attention paid to each scene and portion of the manuscript.
A manuscript assessment summarizes the most significant feedback into a single document – saving the editor a lot of time!
How Much a Manuscript Assessment Costs (compared to an edit)
Because a manuscript assessment takes less time, editors can offer the service at much more affordable rates. Which is a huge win for authors!
A manuscript assessment usually costs half or less than half of a developmental edit, while still offering a significant amount of feedback.
The Editorial Freelancer’s Association compiles median editorial rates as self-reported by their members. Please note that since these are median rates, this means an equal number of editors charge above and below these amounts.
Median developmental editing rate for fiction: 3.0-4.0¢/word
Example project: a developmental edit on a 100,000 word fantasy manuscript would cost $3,000-4,000.
Median manuscript assessment rate: 1.5¢/word
Example project: a manuscript assessment for a 100,000 word fantasy manuscript would cost $1,500.
Our Book Editing Rates
If you are interested in working with Creative Cornerstones, my rates are $0.02/word for developmental editing and $0.007/word (a third the cost) for a manuscript assessment.
Example projects: a developmental edit on a 100,000 word fantasy manuscript would cost $2,000 and a manuscript assessment would cost $700.
Beware of excessively low editing rates
You may be thinking, “but it’d still be better to get a full developmental edit than a manuscript assessment. I could find someone online who will do a full edit for a lot less than $3-4K!”
That’s true. But beware of cutting costs too much, or you risk hiring someone whose feedback may actually do more harm than good.
I met a self-published author once who said she found someone on Fiverr to “professionally edit” her whole novel for only $200. That’s barely enough to cover, at a living hourly wage, the time it would take to read the full manuscript. This service may have functioned like a valuable beta read, but it was by no means a professional edit.
If you have to make the choice between hiring a hobbyist to complete a “full edit” and hiring a professional to complete a shorter task like a manuscript assessment, I would absolutely recommend the latter. You will gain more if a professional gives your book 20 hours of their time than if a novice gives your story 40 hours of their time.
Is a Manuscript Assessment the Right Choice for You?
Still, it’s not the right choice for everyone. Unless you are willing and able to put in significant work self-editing your novel, I would not recommend a manuscript evaluation.
A manuscript assessment is a great fit for:
Authors looking to traditionally publish their book who want to make their manuscript as competitive as possible before seeking representation.
Authors intending to self-publish their work who do not have the budget for a full developmental edit.
Authors who are confident self-editors, but are looking for a professional second opinion.
Newer writers who aren’t sure what their manuscript needs and are looking for detailed feedback that still affords room for significant rewriting.
I have worked with all of the above types of authors!
One of my author clients had been working on her story for over 10 years and had re-written it many times. She had reached a point of frustration – not ready to start on the sequel, and not confident enough to explore publication. She opted for a manuscript assessment almost as a way to receive writing coaching for her specific project.
Another of my clients is pursuing traditional publication, but he wanted to make his manuscript as strong as possible before querying agents since he understands how competitive the market is.
Why don’t more Authors know about manuscript assessments?
If manuscript assessments are so great, why is this the first you’re hearing of them?
Even after I started working in the publishing industry and was trained in the differences between developmental, line, and copy editing, I didn’t hear anyone talking about manuscript assessments.
I discovered the term quite by accident, and was astonished that it was not more widely known – because it is a perfect fit for authors looking to self-publish! Indie authors don’t have a huge budget, but still absolutely need to receive professional developmental feedback.
So many authors have reached out to me requesting a sample edit, gotten excited about moving forward, but then felt crushed when they heard my quote for a full edit. In such cases, I’m so glad to be able to suggest a manuscript assessment as an alternative!
I love books! I love authors! I want every writer to be able to afford professional feedback, even in a condensed form!
These authors go from crestfallen and overwhelmed, to delighted. So many have said, “I didn’t even know that was an option!” I feel frustrated on their behalf. The editorial industry has not done a good job of marketing this service.
How many self-published authors have inquired about professional editing, realized it exceeded their budget, and released their work without the benefit of any professional feedback?
I’m writing this article so you know there’s another option!
Yes, the best case scenario is to receive several rounds of editing on your work – developmental, line, copy editing, and proofreading. This is what traditional publishers do. Is this realistic for most indie authors? No. But it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Getting a manuscript assessment and incorporating the feedback in a final round of self-editing can massively improve your story!
If you’re an author, I’d certainly love to work with you on your manuscript, but I’m writing this article mostly to educate the writing community. I hope you go on to tell all your writer friends that there is such a thing as a manuscript assessment!
If you are serious about your author career, then your books are a business. Every business invests upfront in creating a top-quality product. Your book needs professional developmental feedback to maximize its potential. But that doesn’t have to be out of reach for you!
Hi, I’m Caylah Coffeen, a freelance editor and marketer of sci-fi and fantasy books. I love reading and writing and am a follower of Jesus Christ.
I’ve worked for Monster Ivy Publishing and Eschler Editing, and am currently a weekly editor with Havok Publishing. Reach out to chat about books and publishing!
Thanks for stopping by my website! I hope you’ve found some helpful resources about reading, writing, and publishing. If you liked this article, here’s some more free content…
